Tony Hoagland’s poem “Leaving Yourself Behind” examines a woman named “Carrie” who maintains a rigorous set of existential principles that despite their highest intentions cause her to walk the same path as “the rest of us” (20).
High Ideals
The poem’s tone takes shape in the first few lines and maintains a colloquial feel throughout the work. “Carrie” is introduced as a woman that cares deeply for the actions of herself and those around her (1). “Carrie” explains that “it’s more rude to stare at a blind man on the street / than to make a fat-person joke about someone on T.V”(1-2). Carrie’s character is comparing belittling someone who has no ability to defend themselves to someone who may have control over their actions. A slippery slope, indeed. A “blind man” has no choice, but the “fat-person” has made, in her opinion, an erroneous choice. The introductory couplet serves as the vehicle for the voice of the poem to examine “Carrie” and her raised ideals.
Empathetic Depression
“Carrie” is so bent out of shape about the actions of others that she is “blinking back tears of compassion, unable to finish her Jell-O in the / cafeteria” (5-6). The voice makes it clear that her “principles would be funny / if she didn’t take them seriously” (3-4). “Carrie” is becoming the butt of her own joke and failing to see the irony of her principles. Unable escape human nature because she sees too deeply into her ethics of life, Carrie is depressed.
Whose Mess?
Whimsically, the voice switches from an interpersonal observation of Carrie’s statement to a deeper observation of her actions showing the duplicity embedded in Carrie’s life. “Carrie” robotically “gets up to go, leaving a mess on the tray/ for the Mexican busboy to clear” (7-8). “Carrie” is unable to extend her own “hyperborean ethical principles” into her life, leaving her mess for someone else (3). The observation then extends itself to the reader allowing for introspection into the hypocrisies that shape humanity and daily life. “Carrie” cares so much for others inwardly and verbally, but absentmindedly she neglects her own outward responsibility leaving it for someone else to clean up.
The Weight of the World
The effect of Carrie’s concern is shaped in the “terrible lines [that] are forming a conspiracy in her face” (11). The woe “Carrie” feels is aging her and rather than having a positive effect they weigh her down. One human suffers and “Carrie” suffers (beautiful no doubt to feel so deeply), but her suffering leaves her helpless to see her own actions as they truly are: human, flawed, and humorous.
The voice transitions to a metaphor stating
if gratuitous suffering paid even minimum wage,
and Carrie kept track of her hours,
she could be behind the wheel of a late-model car by now,
driving through life with low mileage and a smooth suspension.
Instead, she’s walking by the side of the road,
getting more and more mud on her boots,
just like the rest of us (14-20).
Are You Serious?
Thomas Szasz once said, “When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him”. This rings true throughout the poem. Sometimes people need to see that despite how the actions of others are perceived it is our own actions that are just as much a part of the human condition. Hold personal actions and thoughts in the highest regard, but never be afraid to see personal shortcomings and remember sometimes it is okay if you are “Leaving Yourself Behind” seriously laughing at your gravity.
 |
